It Takes a Village
Covid-19 has been a time of mixed experiences for families coming together as one unit in New Zealand’s Level Four lockdown and Level Three restrictions. As a Youth team we’ve heard a whole spectrum of experiences from different families and communities: from discouragement, road-blocks, frustration, to joy, innovation and more.
As we enter into Level Two and journey towards what’s ‘next’, we’re taking stock and giving a conscious nod to the past and present.
We reached out to some of the Scripture Union New Zealand (SUNZ) community who are parents of teenagers, to ask about their experience during lockdown. We learnt there were many things to be thankful for... and a lot of learnings.
As we (youth pastors, youth leaders and parents alike) care for the youth of Aotearoa, let’s recognize the intergenerational support structures teenagers have in place and feed into them too. After all, it takes a village!
Pause... Slow down... Observe…
The change of pace was a prominent theme amongst our SUNZ community. Travel no longer held its title as the main time-vacuum, allowing more time for families to spend together and space to truly relax without the pressures of different commitments and logistics.
Out of this came opportunities to start observing each other’s habits—understanding how teenagers discipline themselves, the ways they learn, the content they were being taught at school and seeing them continue to engage with their youth group leaders during the week through Zoom conferencing.
This has also left space for more open relationships as many families are well rested and not needing to rush out the door. Teenagers have loved receiving immediate responses from their parents when they need help or want to go for a walk. Definitely something to keep in mind post-lockdown!
What motivation?
The biggest challenge of lockdown seems to have been the motivation of teenagers at home. How do you strike the balance between checking in on them and leaving them to it? This can be applied to a myriad of activities such as online school work, outside exercise, snacking habits, screen time, and so on.
Structure has been most helpful. Routines, boundaries, and etiquette (either put in place pre-lockdown or developed in response to it) have assisted in keeping a sense of balance. Setting time aside to play cards or board games, eat meals together, go for walks or bike rides, or moments watching a screen together (whether that be the news, a movie or church) have all helped center the family and provide teenagers with variety for whatever they may be personally engaging in.
Growing spiritually
To facilitate spiritual growth, there have been a variety of methods employed by our SUNZ community. Church online has been great for some, especially for family members who usually go to different services. This has led to sitting in the lounge together, or outside around a fire, and having the time to chat about faith, normalizing communal home spaces for engaging each other in conversations of belief.
Meeting around the table has also been important – whether that’s adding a candle to the dinner table and thinking about what’s happening in the world that day, saying grace, or adding in a short devotional before leaving the table.
It’s in these ways that the parents of our young people are striving towards Psalm 78:3-7
“...we will tell the next generation
about the glorious deeds of the Lord,
about his power and his mighty wonders...
So each generation should set its hope anew on God.”
Some top tips
“Make time for your kids each day, check in on their emotional well-being, do fun stuff together, reassure them and encourage them that they are doing really well under trying circumstances.”
“Think about what family life you really want, and take SMALL steps to get there. No big changes, or teenagers rebel. Also, be available. Always.”
“Have some time each day to get together. Whether dinner, breakfast, before starting school. Some call it a ‘big rock’ or a foundation to the day. Helps build community and a sense of togetherness.”
“Be good role models in your own attitudes, work habits, self-care and spiritual disciplines. Find some fun activities to do together that strengthen your family bonds.”
Here’s a final note of encouragement from another parent as you contemplate these reflections...
“Chillax,
Roll with it,
Go with the flow,
Chocolate is good,
Patience is gold,
Rejoice in the good days,
Forget the bad,
Tomorrow is always a new day.”